Dating Guidance for Successful Dating for Marriage

ating Guidance for Singles
Who Want to Get Married

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Are you making room and time in your life
for what is most important to you?
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Are you making time to address the issues
that are keeping you single?
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Are you putting enough time and energy into finding
and making yourself ready for your marriage partner?

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Enrich your life.
Take a class.
Do acts of kindness in the community.
Branch into new things.

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Look at what’s good for you;
not what’s good for everybody.
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Do you really want to date the same person for years?
Look for someone who has the goal of getting married.
Don’t put off asking beyond the second date
or you might be wasting your time.
One of the questions you can ask is:
“Do you like to date just to have fun
or do you have the goal of getting married
in the not too distant future?”
Will this scare some people off? Yes!
And that’s exactly what you want.
Because the people who will be afraid of the ” M” word
are the people who will waste your time
and keep you from finding your marriage partner.
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Network for your other single friends.
Did you date someone who is not right for you?
Maybe that person is a good match for your friend.
Don’t hesitate - Make the suggestion!
When you help your friend, Heaven will help you.
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What are your goals?
6 months
1 year
5 years
For a successful marriage, you need to share common goals.
First, be clear about your own goals.
Then look for someone who has similar goals.
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Dating Pitfalls:

Lists that are too long.

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Make a list of all of the qualities
you would like to find in your marriage partner.
Put everything you can think of on that list.
Now, rip up the list.
That person doesn’t exist.
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Choose 4 qualities that are important to you.
If you find someone with two of those qualities,
go out with that person.
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Hanging out with a Group.

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Don’t double date or group date.
You can’t get to know someone in-depth in a group.
Marriage is an individual process, not a group process.
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Stopping at the first date.

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It takes time to develop an emotional connection.
Once you do, you can overlook a lot of details
that you thought were important,
but turn out not to be so important.
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If you aren’t completely repulsed on the first date,
go out again.
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If there is even the tiniest inkling
that there might be something there,
go out again, even if it doesn’t seem perfect.
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Put some distance between yourself
and friends of the opposite gender.

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Staying in a close relationship with someone
of the opposite gender will hinder your ability
to develop emotional intimacy with your marriage partner.
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You will have to loosen the ties sometime,
or risk staying single forever.
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How to turn friendship into a romance:

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Say or write the following:
“I love the relationship we have
and I wonder if it could develop into something deeper.”
This can be said through a third party to make it easier
and less embarrassing.
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Ask your friend out on a date.
The date should not last more than two hours,
no more than twice a week for six weeks.
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Find out: Do you miss each other?
It’s a risk because your friendship will change.
It might even end.
Sometimes you have to take the risk
if you really want to get married.
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Adapted from a lecture by Rosie Einhorn & Sherry Zimmerman
“Becoming One”; 23 Teves 5762; vol. 15.44
© 2008 Rae Shagalov All Rights Reserved.