Long Distance Dating Advice

When doing long distance dating,
Meet within a few weeks of writing,
emailing or speaking on the phone.
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Don't create an emotional relationship
before you actually meet or you are risking
great heartache, God forbid!
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The first date should be short.
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Even if it doesn’t go so well, go out again.
Give it a chance.
It's hard to be authentic on a first or even
second date when you may be nervous.
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With long distance dating, it is tempting
to spend every minute of every day with each other.
Don't do it.
Don’t go out every day.
Explore on your own in between dates.
If you speak on the phone on the days you don't meet,
Keep it very short.
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Don’t overdose on each other.
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Don’t see each other too frequently.
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Give yourself time and space to reflect and recover
To stay connected with your own true self.
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Don’t expect to click on the first date.
What you will experience, if it is right,
is a gradual deepening of the relationship.
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Try to Have No Expectations on the First Date

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If the conversation doesn’t go smoothly, don’t worry.
First dates are awkward.
You don’t know each other yet.
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A good first date is a cup of something hot
and a piece of cake - Short and Sweet.
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A good second date is dinner.
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If the first long distance dating meeting goes well,
see each other every few weeks
with phone calls and letters in between.
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What Are You Looking For?

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--Are your values and goals similar
--Compatible personality
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Look at the quality of the relationship

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Can you trust this person
not to use your vulnerability against you?
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Is there any point of connection
that could lead to a second date?
Look for it!
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People grow at different rates
and change throughout marriage

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You can be holding in different places,
as long as:
--the gap is not too great,
--one does not bring the other down,
--one does not try to change the other,
--you set a common standard for the home and raising children.
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When Long Distance Dating,
Date long enough to see the flaws

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In long distance dating it's hard to spend enough time
with each other to really see the flaws.
If you think you're in love, it's even harder.
Love makes the beloved seem perfect.
Long distance dating also makes
the other person seem more perfect.
But you must look for the inevitable flaws
or weak points in the other person and ask yourself:
Can I live with those flaws?
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Adapted from a lecture by Rosie Einhorn & Sherry Zimmerman
“Long Distance Dating”; 2002; vol. 15.45
© 2008 Rae Shagalov All rights reserved.